Where Are Your Kids?

I've been asked a very particular question lately: "When will you have kids?" It's been very frequent, so much so that it doesn't seem much of a stretch to think people are collaborating in a conspiracy to get me thinking about children. Not a day goes by, really. Well, let me address it here first, so perhaps I could give a better answer the next time (which would be sometime today I guess).

First, let me start right out by saying that I love kids. I hope to have a few myself, and that fact seems to be tattooed on my forehead. Just thinking about it, I know that by the time I do have a baby I'd probably break down in happiness. So what's the deal, then? What am I possibly waiting for? Well, the short answer is that I'm afraid, but that doesn't work well as an explanation when prodded with the question, and is very incomplete as an answer. So let's go a bit deeper.

The first excuse that comes to mind is that I haven't settled down with anyone, ever. In the past few years, all I've managed is a date every now and then. It's not like I'm repulsive (I'm pretty sure), just that there hasn't been a mutual feeling of keeping things together. Single life only gets harder as you get older; at least, that's what people tell me. I suppose it's good that I look young, even for my age, but with the barrage of baby questions, I get the impression that the hour is late, and I need to make some decisions and put them on the fast track.

Secondly, I live in an apartment with a roommate. This isn't much of an excuse, actually, but I would like to point out the lifestyle that comes with it. I am very much accustomed to sleeping at any hour when I need it, as I work nights. Also, the apartment itself isn't a place for children. Chemicals are placed conveniently instead of safely, there are bladed weapons strategically-placed for protection and for the zombie apocalypse (another whole post for this scenario/joke), spare computer parts and video games galore take up much of the space in my room, and it's upstairs. Unless my wife/girlfriend/whatever works during the day, nobody is here at night. This won't work with a newborn at all. I would need to leave this place behind. Eventually.

Thirdly, I can barely afford myself, much less a baby. Every parent will tell you how expensive babies are, and I'm stretching my money as it is. I'd much rather be in a more comfortable situation financially before intentionally straining it with a baby. Every day, one of my meals is a cup of noodles or mac and cheese. I don't need to make it every meal; it's not healthy, and it would get boring. There are not too many jobs in the area that pay more than mine, and the ones outside the casino that do are not as secure. I would need another part-time job, but that exacerbates the whole sleep and who's-taking-care-of-the-baby scenario. Maybe I should just find a rich woman.

So really, I don't know when I'll have kids. Certainly, it's not right now.